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The Ladies' Tea Party The Difference Between Them and Us

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I Just Can't Take the Liberal Melodramas Any More

by Christopher Chantrill
April 12, 2009 at 10:28 pm

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I’M so sick of watching liberal movies I just can’t take it any more. Last week I took in the latest Nicole Kidman star vehicle, Australia, on cable. It’s a conventional story about two free-spirited liberals battling a bigoted, racist white society on behalf of a half-white half-aboriginal boy in the Australian outback.

The police want to take the boy away to a boarding school—you know, just like we did with native Americans—but the boy knows that that would kill his soul. Instead he should go walkabout with the local shaman. Unfortunately the local shaman, who goes under the sobriquet of King George, is suspected of murdering Lord Ashley, Nicole’s husband. Naturally, there’s a villain, cattle-baron “King” Carney, who wants to grab Kidman’s ranch and sell beef to the Australian army at inflated prices.

Our winsome kid, name of Nullah, eventually gets grabbed by the cops and shipped off to the priests on an island that’s just about to be invaded by the WWII Japanese. Things don’t look good. But don’t worry, it all works out in the end.

See what I mean? Here we are, groaning under the cruel, corrupt, unjust rule of a liberal aristocracy that has:

  1. Wrecked education

  2. Wrecked the underclass family

  3. Made health care absurdly expensive

  4. Made houses absurdly expensive

  5. Wrecked the value of our money

  6. Wrecked __________________.

Go on. You fill in the blank.

You’d expect, in this time of trial, that creative filmmakers would be making compelling narratives about bumbling central bankers playing slam-bang with the money supply while their political pals get rich serving on the boards of Fannie and Freddie. But no. Instead we are treated to kitschy nostalgia trips back to the glory days of liberalism when liberals were standing alone against a world of racism, classism, and sexism. Enough, already.

Here’s the kind of movie that I’d like to see.

It’s fall and a couple of idealistic Jewish kids start teaching in a public school in Houston, Texas. The school serves an underprivileged neighborhood and our two teachers soon find themselves failing.

They’d like to get a little respect from the students but what can you do? Here’s thirteen-year-old thug that’s playing cards at the back of the class when he’s not undressing a girl to satisfy his teenage anatomical curiosity. No point in sending him to the principal; he’d be back in 15 minutes.

Our teachers often pass a room taught by crusty old Nicole Kidman. (Yes, Nicole’s a bit older than the days when she used to play blonde British aristocratic babes in the Australian outback.)

Somehow, Nicole has managed to get her students under control and she is actually teaching them stuff. She has developed a whole repertoire of sing-song rhymes to encapsulate the concepts—even including math—that she teaches.

Using Nicole’s methods our Jewish kids soon start getting results from their own classes, and by the end of the year they know that they are succeeding. How can they keep their kids together instead of sacrificing them to a system that just doesn’t care about kids?

They are Jewish kids, so they decide to start their own charter school. Fortunately they have caught the attention of a friendly Texas oil baron whose idealistic daughter, former child star Emma Watson, has made a guerrilla conservative documentary about school district employees getting kickbacks for referring pregnant teens to a local abortion clinic.

They’ll need a couple of rooms to start their school. Forget about that. You see, in today’s inner-city schools they don’t want to admit how under-utilized their buildings are, what with kids who are counted present but are actually no-shows. So they keep the empty rooms locked and pretend they are busy. The cynical principal, two years away from retirement, says: No go.

But our idealistic Jewish kids have a plan. They will ambush the district superintendent at district headquarters as he leaves after work. Since Emma Watson is there with her video camera, the superintendent can hardly say no.

It looks like everything is a go, but the liberal oligarchy isn’t finished with our heroes yet. Conservative activists have recently been picketing abortion clinics in town and have severely impacted business. Next day, Emma Watson is walking by the abortion clinic with her camera unslung. She is arrested on the strength of an obscure law that makes it an invasion of privacy to aim a camera at a woman within 100 feet of a reproductive health facility. On the strength of her documentary, available on YouTube, she may also be charged with “hate” speech.

Wouldn’t you know, it turns out that the school superintendent is a minority investor in the abortion mill that’s paying kickbacks for referrals.

Well, I can’t reveal any more plot spoilers, but needless to say it turns out that the Emma Watson character is actually the daughter of the crusty Nicole Kidman character, and Emma Watson falls in love with one of our Jewish kids as he mourns his friend, killed in a drive-by shooting involving our teenage thug with the interest in human anatomy.

See? This isn’t that hard. And what fun, what fun it would be to see a movie with all the liberals as villains and all the conservatives as heroes. For a change.

P.S. The school-related incidents aren’t just fantasy. I’ve taken them from John Taylor Gatto’s Underground History of American Education and the book by Jay Mathews about the two smart Jewish kids who created the KIPP schools. It’s titled: Work Hard Be Nice.

The abortion stuff is made up. No public school administrators in the USA would take kickbacks on abortions. Or would they?

Christopher Chantrill blogs at www.roadtothemiddleclass.com.

Buy his Road to the Middle Class.

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Faith & Purpose

“When we began first to preach these things, the people appeared as awakened from the sleep of ages—they seemed to see for the first time that they were responsible beings, and that a refusal to use the means appointed was a damning sin.”
Finke, Stark, The Churching of America, 1776-1990


Mutual Aid

In 1911... at least nine million of the 12 million covered by national insurance were already members of voluntary sick pay schemes. A similar proportion were also eligible for medical care.
Green, Reinventing Civil Society


Education

“We have met with families in which for weeks together, not an article of sustenance but potatoes had been used; yet for every child the hard-earned sum was provided to send them to school.”
E. G. West, Education and the State


Living Under Law

Law being too tenuous to rely upon in [Ulster and the Scottish borderlands], people developed patterns of settling differences by personal fighting and family feuds.
Thomas Sowell, Conquests and Cultures


German Philosophy

The primary thing to keep in mind about German and Russian thought since 1800 is that it takes for granted that the Cartesian, Lockean or Humean scientific and philosophical conception of man and nature... has been shown by indisputable evidence to be inadequate. 
F.S.C. Northrop, The Meeting of East and West


Knowledge

Inquiry does not start unless there is a problem... It is the problem and its characteristics revealed by analysis which guides one first to the relevant facts and then, once the relevant facts are known, to the relevant hypotheses.
F.S.C. Northrop, The Logic of the Sciences and the Humanities


Chappies

“But I saw a man yesterday who knows a fellow who had it from a chappie that said that Urquhart had been dipping himself a bit recklessly off the deep end.”  —Freddy Arbuthnot
Dorothy L. Sayers, Strong Poison


Democratic Capitalism

I mean three systems in one: a predominantly market economy; a polity respectful of the rights of the individual to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; and a system of cultural institutions moved by ideals of liberty and justice for all. In short, three dynamic and converging systems functioning as one: a democratic polity, an economy based on markets and incentives, and a moral-cultural system which is plural and, in the largest sense, liberal.
Michael Novak, The Spirit of Democratic Capitalism


Action

The incentive that impels a man to act is always some uneasiness... But to make a man act [he must have] the expectation that purposeful behavior has the power to remove or at least to alleviate the felt uneasiness.
Ludwig von Mises, Human Action


Churches

[In the] higher Christian churches... they saunter through the liturgy like Mohawks along a string of scaffolding who have long since forgotten their danger. If God were to blast such a service to bits, the congregation would be, I believe, genuinely shocked. But in the low churches you expect it every minute.
Annie Dillard, Holy the Firm


Conversion

“When we received Christ,” Phil added, “all of a sudden we now had a rule book to go by, and when we had problems the preacher was right there to give us the answers.”
James M. Ault, Jr., Spirit and Flesh


Living Law

The recognition and integration of extralegal property rights [in the Homestead Act] was a key element in the United States becoming the most important market economy and producer of capital in the world.
Hernando de Soto, The Mystery of Capital


presented by Christopher Chantrill

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